The pain has now started to reach critical mass. It usually hovers around a 2-3 on the pain scale, but it has started to creep up again. It is to the point I have to start to start taking pain killers on a regular basis. That is only "dulling" the pain not helping block it. The burning is returning as well. My last block was September of last year and at that time I was put on an experimental pain cream to rub on my leg. I think it helped keep the pain level.
Mentally, I am exhausted. I am on edge all the time looking over my shoulder. I am taking some brain meds to help, but they seems to do more harm then good at this point. No sleeping, mood swings, checking out, becoming an non-emotional robot. This is hard on the kids and Dana watching me swing from sullen to angry. Makes me mad that I have no control over it, it is like watching myself from the outside acting like a complete stranger. Or acting as a puppetmaster with broken strings so my body doesn't act right.
I noticed yesterday that little man Joe and I have a routine. After prayers, put the kids to bed, he follows me into the bathroom and stands next to me as I take a handful of pills, wash it all down and get ready for bed. He grabs his sippy cup and beedee (blanket) and lays in the crook of my arm until he falls asleep and I put him to bed. If I take my pills without him he will stand in the bathroom and wait for me. How sad, poor kid won't know anything else but Dad taking pills.
Thanks all for the prayers for myself and the family as well as the words of encouragement and support. I hope the next post will have some better news, like the block taking the pain down to...dare I hope at 2! I guess all I can do is wait and pray.
